


Teaching a Lesson

by orphan_account



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Alfred Pennyworth is the Best, Gen, Good Parent Alfred Pennyworth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-26 10:57:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20929085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Alfred has had about enough of Tim and Damain's murder attempts. So he deals with them in a way only Alfred can.





	Teaching a Lesson

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos, comments and critisism welcome! Enjoy!

"Drake! Get back here!"

"Catch Me If You Can, demon!" 

Damian jumped off the banister, teeth grinding, straight for Tim. And the vase. 

Tim jumped to the side just in time, but Damian couldn't avoid the vase. It shattered into thousands of pieces. Damian cut his hand on one, and Tim couldn't avoid the shard coming at his knee. Alfred came running in, yelling

"What in the bloody-" 

He paused in his tracks when he saw the two boys, Damian with his sword, and Tim with his staff. Alfred sighed, rubbing his temples. 

Bruce was off at a Wayne Enterprises meeting, Dick was off policing, and heaven knows where Jason was. That left Alfred with the two that wanted to kill each other. That is, if he didn't kill them first. 

"Drake started-" 

"I don't want to hear it. Go to your rooms, I will clean this up then deal with the two of you." 

The boys, knowing full well that Alfred didn't exactly mean give them cookies, went off with their tails between their legs. 

Alfred sighed, going to get the broom. Those boys were going to be the death of him. Even though Dick broke a lot of stuff (3 chandeliers so far, but who's counting?), he never did it out of malice. He had to teach those boys a lesson. 

Then a wonderful idea came over him. That could work. He just needed a little help. He reached for his phone and called one of the first numbers on his contacts. 

Two hours later, a wardrobe change, and a few choice words of searching the attic for that old sword we knew was up there, and he was knocking on the boys doors. 

"Meet me outside in half an hour. Street clothes." 

The boys were in awe. Not only had they never seen the butler in a sweatshirt and jeans before, but they weren't being punished. Yet. 

Damian and Tim were avoiding each other in the field behind the garden. Alfred came out from the pathway and said

"Instead of punishing you, I have decided to allow you to get 'off the hook'."

The boys gave him a surprised look. They weren't being punished? 

"Instead, you must work out your differences civilly, like men."

"I think I'd prefer the punishment." 

Alfred only smiled at Tim's comment. 

"I, for once, agree with Drake." 

That only made Alfred smile bigger. 

"Now what was your... disagreement about?" 

"Drake called me a waste of human existence!" 

"Only after you stole my laptop!" 

The boys' argument was shut off by a strange grunt from Alfred. They look over and see Alfred on the ground, moaning, blood everywhere, and a man with a sword directly behind him. 

The boys superhero instincts kick in, and the man never stood a chance. 

Damian goes for his legs with a roundhouse kick, and Tim punches him square in the nose. He is on the ground in less than 10 seconds. 

Dropping the sword, the man runs. Damian and Tim both could've caught him, but Alfred's groaning catches their attention. While it's just his arm, the look in his eyes says it hurts - a lot. 

"Go call your father. Now." 

Both boys run inside and Alfred can hear them yelling at each other about who to call. As soon as the kids are out of earshot, Alfred drops the act and smiles. 

"I have to say, that was almost as fun as teaching the eldest to listen to his father." 

"Indeed, Reynolds. Beet juice works incredibly well as blood." 

"I'd agree." 

The man helps Alfred up and gives him back the sword, smiling while patting his back. Alfred shoves the sword down the back of his hoodie, so that Damian and Tim will be none the wiser.

"Well, I'm afraid I must get back to Miss Linda. It's almost supper time." 

"Thank you again, Reynolds. Let me know when the little one needs a lesson taught." 

The man - Reynolds - smiles and says "I most certainly will." 

Alfred can hear the boys footsteps, and returns to his hurt face. 

After much insisting, Alfred bandages his arm and goes to bed, and later he hears the boys talking in the living room. 

"Stealing your laptop may not have been the most appropriate way to retaliate for your comment. It will not happen again." 

When Bruce gets home, he comes and checks on Alfred. Seeing the butler smile as soon as he walks in the door tips him off. 

"Reynolds?" 

Alfred only nods.

**Author's Note:**

> Alfred's always portrayed as having no social life, so I gave him one.


End file.
